He's been with his wife since they were just out of college. I remove his hand from my leg; I tell him he doesn't look like a father. He says he did not marry the wrong woman, that he'd want to stray no matter who he was with. They are beautiful, the son eating an ice cream cone, the young girl in overalls. is holding her up and she is grabbing his finger, and the finger is wearing a wedding ring. is an engineer in his early 30s who practices birdcalling in his spare time, and sends me pictures of his younger days, when he went boating and life was dangerous and uncharted. If they've dated a woman for X number of years, marriage comes next, an obligatory stop on the endless conveyer belt. For now, he is content to write — to paint the picture of the moment we lock eyes across a bar.
His message says, "Although we haven't yet met, something has happened (at least for me). "Why is it I get the feeling I'm missing out on something very important? He says checking his email is his favorite time of day.
He also included a dispatch from the previous evening's softball game, from the excitement of the opening huddle to the crushing defeat. He lets himself be vulnerable too, sharing memories of the beloved dog he had to put down, the long drive home from the vet when he could not stop crying.
More on Redbook:18 most annoying male habits, explained51 days of new outfits (for less than 0!
When he is standing on the soccer field and children are moving around in a blur, he says, he slips out of the game and thinks of me, and if his Black Berry vibrates in his pocket, he hopes that it is me.
He tells me he had a brief affair with a woman from one of his company's offices.
We talk about books, and he says his wife doesn't excite this part of his brain.
"I could never have this conversation with her," he says.
Here on a site where the idea, ostensibly, is to facilitate no-strings-attached affairs, a lot of men are trying to forge real bonds. In the most extreme, these pronouns — to whom the men claim to be happily married — become antiheroes to the plan.
"She just canceled her dinner, so now I can't meet you on Tuesday.
Dammit, dammit, dammit." All of the men tell me that their wives would never guess they are doing this. "I've never been caught." This one has had affairs before.
He has gone home to his wife after renting a room and having sex there with another woman.
B., who is kind and polite and describes himself as honest despite what he's doing at this very moment, says his wife isn't the nosy kind. I know a lot of women who do, but my wife really trusts me." Like the other men, he's afraid of getting caught but, similarly, says he feels no guilt.
He didn't realize when he married her that a little under a decade later he would be bored.